Do you want to get marriage? Explore the difference between dating and marriage material and find the partner that will fit your vision more easily!
What is your dating strategy to find your life partner? You have a strategy, right?
If your end-goal is to get married, you need to be able to identify how you want to invest your time. In other words, the person who seems amazing as a date may fall short when it comes to going the distance of marriage.
Dating for fun, having a boyfriend, and dating to get married are three very different paths. You need to know which path is relevant now and when to switch your path to get where you want in the future.
How to recognize a marriage material in a man?
If are ready for marriage and want to meet your lifelong partner, be clear on the qualities that define that person. These traits are very personal because only you know what you want in your marriage. Defining these traits will help you recognize your ideal partner.
I coach my clients to make a list of qualities of their ideal partner and to include deal breakers and professions that do not support their lifestyle, dreams or hopes. I encourage you to create a similar list and use it to help guide your dating decisions.
Here are six qualities of marriage material worth considering:
- Clear and timely Communication: You want someone who says what he means and means what he says. You have every right to know if he is just as excited about the date as you are. Men are very clear about their intentions. When they care, they show it. When men confirm the details for the date, they show skills necessary for marriage.
- Action and word alignment: His words need to match his behavior and actions with you. He doesn’t just say that he will treat you the way you deserve – he does it. Marriage material is when he calls when he says he’ll call and shows up when he says he will.
- Sincerity: He should customize each date to your liking. If he seems a little too perfect in trying to court you, well, ask yourself, are you falling for the charm or for him? Trust your instincts.
- Availability: Your partner should make time for you – and your future family. If you don’t want him working 24/7 or travel for work, then don’t date professions that demand it.
- Compromise: In marriage, disagreements aren’t always about who is wrong or right. Be willing to give and take to keep your relationship on course. Having the same person always giving into the other is neither sustainable or appealing.
- Trustworthy and reliable: Broken promises are never okay. Not keeping his word has consequences. When your partner breaks a promise, he is lying. Do you want to marry someone who breaks promises or lies?
Top questions to consider when choosing a lifelong partner
When looking for your ideal marriage, better to try and fail when dating, than to live a life of always waiting for Mr. Right. If you keep looking, then by definition you keep postponing having a relationship. When you have found someone that is amazing to YOU, trust yourself, commit, invest and try.
I am not suggesting that you settle for anyone less than you want or deserve. But I am encouraging you to give someone who may not have ALL of the boxes checked a chance.
- Wouldn’t you like to find out if eventually those other boxes are actually not relevant?
- How do you know when you are settling? Are you just too comfortable?
- Has staying with the wrong partner become about what is easy or about fear of change?
- Do you wonder if your next partner will have even fewer checked boxes than your current partner?
- Are you too complacent with your current partner to find someone better?
Top questions you need to ask on behalf of your future children
There comes a time when your children will wonder whether you chose the best person to be their parent. After all, the checkboxes that matter to you now may not match your children’s checkboxes for qualities as a parent.
- What would he teach or model to your children?
- What life lessons will your children learn from him?
- What will your children learn about how others should treat them?
- Based on how he treats you, can you predict how your children will treat you or others?
- Would you change your mind about him if you thought you would only have daughters vs. only sons with him?
One final note, before you find your lifelong partner, you need a healthy relationship with yourself. People treat you based on whether you care for yourself too much or not enough.
Every relationship is about the love, admiration, and care that you have for yourself. The more you do for yourself now, the more your partner will give what you deserve and want in the future. Remember, you are your own soulmate. I have written several blog posts on being your own soulmate.
Read my blog post with ideas for social distance dating during a pandemic.
I am always here for you so let me know how I can support you in your relationships – with yourself, others, and finances.
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