Dating, getting engaged and getting married seems like a fun journey until finances get involed… Even worse so – they can get messy if you’re coming in unprepared! Here are some things to consider to ensure your financial security when dating (and beyond)
I broke off an engagement 6 months before the wedding— here are 10 Life Lessons I learned from it:
When my father said “better one minute before the wedding than one minute after,” I knew I made the right decision.
What I didn’t realize was how much I was going to learn. Sometimes we learn the hard way, sometimes we learn from other people. Why not learn from my experience?
Financial security when dating: what to consider
Deposits
Only pay a deposit if you can lose that money. Often, people focus on the fact that a deposit is to protect you. Still, it’s actually to also protect the other party. If there is any chance no matter how small you are going to cancel, then you need to be able to afford to let go of that deposit. If losing that deposit amount feels too much, then you need to reconsider.
Separate accounts vs. joint accounts
Many say that getting married is joining two hearts as one… but there are still two separate beating hearts after the wedding.
Just as there are two distinct hearts, having two different accounts could be right for you. When my ex-fiancé and I separated, we combined our finances. As a result, I didn’t have a single credit card or checking account that was only in my name. We froze our accounts, and I had to pay everything in cash until I had my own credit card and checking account.
Establish your own credit
As we believed, of course, that we were getting married, it didn’t matter to me whose name was on the bills. While all the bills were in his name, I didn’t realize that he was establishing credit for himself, but I wasn’t. As a result, I had to pay a security deposit on every new account because I had not established credit.
Diversify your money
When we ended the engagement, I had no access to liquid cash or credit cards. I learned that I had to diversify moving forward. I learned to have a savings, emergency, retirement, and a fun/spending account.
Credit score
When I was a student, I couldn’t wait to not have to worry about grades. Little did I know that there is a grading system for adults, it’s called a credit score. Your credit score has a direct impact on whether you pay high or low-interest rates. This translates to spending more money than needed.
Rent vs. Buy
During my 4-year relationship with my ex-fiancé, I had not grown or built my financial security. One of the reasons is that I rented and not bought. I learned that those who can afford to buy, buy. Those who can’t afford to buy, rent.
Have your own means of making your own money
Relationships aren’t 100% guaranteed forever. The last thing you want to do is to stay in a wrong relationship because of financial reasons. I prioritized establishing my own career to ensure that I had means of being independent.
End debt
I never once asked him how he paid for our lifestyle. Only at the end of our relationship, my ex-fiancé shared that we had a significant amount of debt. And, I never imagined he was using credit cards. I mistakenly assumed that he could afford our lifestyle.
Be honorable
While I was not responsible for our debt, I knew in my heart that I needed to own the debt. I offered to take 50% of the debt, after all, I was the one who got to enjoy our lifestyle.
Clean break up means a fresh beginning
I made the decision to give back the engagement ring. I wasn’t going to wear the ring, and I didn’t want to buy anything with the money I could have made selling those diamonds. To have a new beginning, I learned that I needed a clean end.
Money questions to consider in relationship
How can you make sure that you are on the same wavelength about the most essential issues about money? By asking questions!
Here are some suggestions:
What would you do if you won the lottery?
To know if you and your partner are a match, you need to not only ask lots of questions, you need to ask creative questions. Their answers to your questions will help you make decisions for your future.
Who doesn’t have fun dreaming about the lottery? Why not use this as in ice-breaker question? Would he immediately book an expensive vacation, buy a fancy car, or invite you to a shopping spree? Or, would he donate a percentage of the money, invest the winnings or buy a home?
What do you think is expensive?
Communicating what is or isn’t expensive, helps you find out if your money beliefs are a match. Does your date think that expensive restaurants are a waste of money and prefers to eat at home? Does your date prefer to drink tap water or flat water? Better to know sooner than later if your date is thrifty, a spender, or the perfect balance of both.
What are some of your past financial mistakes?
This is about financial achievements based on past mistakes. There is no shame in having debt or loans, but instead, share what you have both learned from your debt or loans. If you can speak about money, then there are no topics off the table. Better to be upfront at the beginning, than to find out the truth later when you need a loan.
How do you pay your bills?
Do you pay a bill immediately or do you wait until the due date? Either way, well done, you pay. Of course, you want to find out if your partner is not paying a bill due to lack of funds or lack of financial integrity. You also need to find out if your date actually has integrity about paying bills. Some don’t care about paying their bills. You always want to find out if your date prefers to check off the to-do list asap or prefers to ignore bills.
What is our common money?
There are no right or wrong answers in whether you have joint or separate accounts. What is important is that you agree on how you both spend AND save? Are there certain purchases that you both agree to discuss first? You wouldn’t want to find out that your partner spent your savings on an item that you feel you don’t want or need. Always agree on an amount that you can each spend without communicating with the other.
When dating, you are trying to figure out if you are a match on an emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual level. But when asking questions about relationships, family or work, also ask about money and finances. You will thank yourself later. Besides, having a clear understanding of each other’s financial philosophies really do matter. Talking about money is an excellent start to having financial bliss.
If you’re ready to take the next step, explore dating coaching!
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