YDo you ever wonder why you are still single? You are doing all the right things so why isn’t a relationship happening? Are high expectations in relationships keeping you single? Let’s find out!
Can I be frank? I am 100% certain that you’re still single because you have chosen to be single.
Think about it… if you wanted to be in a relationship, you could always call someone that you know will say yes. So why do you choose to be single?
The Single Cycle: Old Expectations and Old Dreams
Let me explain how YOU may at least be one factor why you are single. Your old expectations and dreams prevent you from finding Mr. Right. These thoughts and feelings keep you single even though you don’t want to be: Do any of these sound familiar?
The Prince Charming Effect
You expect to marry the perfect man you dreamed about when you were younger. She had her sights on someone based on the ideals found in movies or books. But you may be noticing a problem.
That prince charming ideal no longer suits who you are and what you want today. You want Mr. Right. As opposed to prince charming, Mr. Right is reliable, predictable, honest, and he loves you. He may not be as romantic or dashing as your prince charming but Mr. Right is dashing in more important ways.
My advice is to stop chasing the prince charming type and accept Mr. Right as the improved version. You are not letting your younger self down by letting go of what you once believed was in your best interest. When you let go of old expectations, you are free to select the perfect man that is perfect for you today.
Ex-Boyfriend Syndrome
Are you still hoping to marry your ex or a childhood sweetheart? Are you still using him as a measure for your perfect partner? Your memories of your ex being perfect prevent you from finding a match for yourself today.
Unrealistic Personal Goals
You have set a few unnecessary goals as conditions for getting married. These may include getting out of debt, having a deep savings account, owning your own home, getting in the best shape of your life… It’s great to have goals but not as prerequisites for marriage. The more impossible the goal, the more you are using these as excuses to avoid marriage.
Fear of Taking Risks
You’ve already had your heart broken and you do not want it to happen again. You don’t want to feel those feelings or go back to dark places. Unfortunately, wearing armor on your heart will only prevent finding Mr. Right.
Fear of Finding Unconditional Love
Are you suspicious of a man who thinks you are beautiful inside and out? Do you think there is something wrong with him for loving you? That may be more about you than him.
Fear of Change
You like your lifestyle of no worries, doing what you want, and only having to take care of yourself. You are certain you will lose everything you love about being single when you marry.
Fear of Becoming Your Parents
You don’t want to repeat the same relationship that your parents had – you don’t want to make the same mistakes they did. It’s understandale that you don’t want to feel stuck like they did. So you worry that your married life may mirror what you see in other married couples.
It’s okay if one or all these reasons resonate with you. In fact, knowing what’s holding you back gets you closer to changing your relationship status
Take note of which reasons you need to work through. Feel free to reach out if you need support or guidance to overcome what’s keeping you single.
The Prescreen Process When Dating
We often press the brakes on finding our happiness. Once we work through the fears and old expectations, we can release the brakes. We can then be free to move from being single to dating and then from dating to married.
- Interview tool. One of the most powerful relationship tools is the interview. Think about it: You research companies you want to work for – so why wouldn’t you research the person with whom you want to spend the rest of your life?
- Solid Conversation and Honest Communication. During every date, text or call, learn who he is, what he likes, what he wants, and how he deals with life. You want to learn if you and he are a good match. Do his qualities and traits match the partner you deserve?
- 2 Year Courtship. Data shows a lasting marriage has a better chance with a two-year courtship. Why? The more you know each other before the wedding, the fewer unwanted surprises. When you know each other well, you will have realistic expectations. You will be able to solve disagreements, overcome arguments, and compromise. This is all part of the formula for a successful marriage.
- Cut your losses. If you realize you are not a match, don’t salvage him or the relationship. Don’t worry about how much time you have already invested with him. You wouldn’t continue investing money in a bad financial deal, so why would you do the same with your heart or time?
Marriage Is A Beginning, Not The End
People think that marriage is the end goal of dating, but the truth is that marriage is only the beginning.
Clients come to me when their marriages hit a snag. Oftentimes, it’s related to the give and take necessary for a marriage to work. Marriage is not a 50%/50% effort where you meet each other halfway.
Successful marriages actually need an 80%/80% effort. That extra effort 30% provides the overlap needed so that both are receiving as well as giving. Compromise and communication helps you navigate the 80%/80% effort.
When dating, you don’t have shared responsibilities as compared to marriage. you can “get out” if you are in an argument or have a disagreement. When married, well, you must work harder at resolving your differences. And getting out costs a lot more than removing your toothbrush out of his bathroom.
The 80% works best if you have dated with the intention of learning if you are a match.
Date with intention to get married
Knowing each other’s personalities, will help with disagreements, miscommunications, and compromise. Asking questions is the process to clarify if the relationship is marriage material.
Dating to get to know each other takes effort and purpose. Spending time and investing to know each might feel like work, but, oh, is it worth the effort. Skilled communication is fuel to a healthy and lasting marriage.
Dating isn’t about spending time to get the wedding date. The purpose of dating is to learn if you are both a match. So how are you going to date? Dating with intention makes or breaks a marriage. When you date, you both need to be honest, transparent, and curious.
When you marry your Mr. Right and you are a match, then you can be better equipped going through rough patches.
I am always here for you so let me know how I can support you in your relationships — with yourself, others, and finances.
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